| All lined up in a wedding group | 
| Here we are for a photograph | 
| We’re all dressed up in a morning suit | 
| All trying hard not to laugh | 
| Since the early caveman in his fur | 
| Took a trip to Gretna Green | 
| There’s always been a photographer | 
| To record the happy scene | 
| Hold it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture | 
| What a picture, what a photograph | 
| Poor old soul, blimey, what a joke | 
| Hat blown off in a cloud of smoke | 
| Clap hands, stamp your feet | 
| Bangin' on the big bass drum | 
| What a picture, what a picture | 
| Um-tiddly-um-pum-um-pum-pum | 
| Stick it in your family album | 
| The same thing happened long ago | 
| When man was in his prime | 
| And what went on we only know | 
| From the snaps he took at the time | 
| When Adam and Eve in their birthday suit | 
| Decided to get wed | 
| As Adam was about to taste the fruit | 
| The man with the camera said | 
| Hold it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture | 
| What a picture, what a photograph | 
| Poor old soul, blimey, what a joke | 
| Hat blown off in a cloud of smoke | 
| Clap hands, stamp your feet | 
| Bangin' on the big bass drum | 
| What a picture, what a picture | 
| Um-tiddly-um-pum-um-pum-pum | 
| Stick it in your family album | 
| You’ve read it in a folio | 
| Or seen it in a Shakespeare play | 
| How Juliet fell for Romeo | 
| In the merry month of May | 
| And as he climbed the orchard wall | 
| To reach his lady fair | 
| As he tumbled, she began to bawl | 
| As he floated through the air | 
| Hold it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture | 
| What a picture, what a photograph | 
| Poor young chap, what a night he spent | 
| Tights all torn and his rapier bent | 
| Clap hands, stamp your feet | 
| Bangin' on the big bass drum | 
| What a picture, what a picture | 
| Um-tiddly-um-pum-um-pum-pum | 
| Stick it in your family album |