| Tonight at eight, you shoulda seen | 
| A chauffeur pull up in a rented limousine | 
| My neighbors burned, they like to die | 
| When I tell them who is gettin' in and goin' out is I | 
| If they could see me now, that little gang of mine | 
| I’m eating fancy chow and drinking fancy wine | 
| I’d like those stumble bums to see for a fact | 
| The kind of top drawer, first rate chums I attract | 
| All I can say is, «Wow-ee», looka where I am | 
| Tonight, I landed, pow, right in a pot of jam | 
| What a set up, holy cow, they’d never believe it | 
| If my friends could see me now, if they could see me now | 
| My little dusty group, traipsin' 'round this million dollar chicken coop | 
| I’d hear those thrift shop cats say, «Brother, get her | 
| Draped on a bed spread made from three kinds of fur» | 
| All I can say is, «Wow, wait till the riff an' raff | 
| See just exactly how he sign this autograph» | 
| What a build up, holy cow, they’d never believe it | 
| If my friends could see me now, if they could see me now | 
| Alone with Mister V., who’s waiting on me like he was a maitre d' | 
| I’d hear my buddies saying, «Crazy, what gives? | 
| Tonight she’s living like the other half lives» | 
| To think the highest brow, which I must say is he | 
| Should pick the lowest brow, which there’s no doubt is me | 
| What a step up, holy cow, they’d never believe it | 
| If my friends could see me now | 
| What a step up, holy cow, they’d never believe it | 
| They’d never believe it, if my friends could see me now | 
| Hi girls, it’s me, Charity |