| It’s the quitting smoking song
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| All the smokers cough along
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| If I can do it, so can you
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| Let’s chew some gum and say fuck you
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| It’s the quitting smoking song
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| All the smokers cough along
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| If I can quit, you can quit
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| Let’s have some fun, break some shit
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| Well this is the hundredth, billionth time I’ve tried to quit
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| So sick of it, wait, shit, I gotta cough and spit
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| I was a bitch before but now a triple bitch, bitch, bitch
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| Slipped on day six and stick patches on both tits, oww
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| Ripped 'em off with a rash, sick of the crap
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| Sick of payin' nine bucks a pack, sick of keepin' track (anybody got a match?)
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| Throw the pack in the trash and bum one fast and light it up
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| (You shouldn’t do that), you know, I know, uh, I don’t give a fuck
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| Can I get to the end and feel bad again
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| Can’t call your friends cause this is the tenth time you said you’d quit
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| And this time I’m really gonna do it man, I got a plan
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| Acupuncture and bran, nicorette, treadmill and zyban
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| Man I feel weak, I feel so dumb
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| I got ninety-nine problems, cigarettes is number one
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| Gonna curse Benson Hedges, curse Phillip Morris
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| Gonna curse you motherfuckers till I make it to the chorus
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| It’s the quitting smoking song
|
| All the smokers cough along
|
| If I can do it, so can you
|
| Let’s chew some gum and say fuck you
|
| It’s the quitting smoking song
|
| All the smokers cough along
|
| If I can quit, you can quit
|
| Have fun and break some shit
|
| I haven’t smoked in a week, all my clothes still stink, eww
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| What did I used to think, this website says my lungs have one spot of pink,
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| what!
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| What am I gonna do instead of smoke when one, drinking coffee, two,
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| thinking about the Iraqis
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| Three, in a boring conversation, four, mad impatient or five, waiting outside
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| Six, while I drive, seven, feeling crappy, eight, feeling happy, nine,
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| this is not happening!
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| I can’t stop snacking, it’s nerve wracking
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| My pants buttons are snapping and my rapping is totally blocked
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| Got more wrinkles than a pitbull, plus a new pimple
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| I’m supposed to be a sex symbol! |
| Yeah
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| It’s official, I’d rather kill myself smoking than live without it
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| So sick of feeling sick, so sick of myself sick of talking about it
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| Gonna curse Marlboro, curse Phillip Morris
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| Curse you motherfuckers till I make it to the chorus
|
| It’s the quitting smoking song
|
| All the smokers cough along
|
| If I can do it, so can you
|
| Let’s chew some gum and say fuck you
|
| It’s the quitting smoking song
|
| All the smokers cough along
|
| If I can quit, you can quit
|
| Have fun and break some shit
|
| Wow, it’s been a year, I still got a career
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| Lost some weight but still don’t got a stomach, or dough, like Britney Spears
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| But I can actually breathe, got some nice white teeth
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| And I can sit through dinner and not get up to smoke in the middle and leave
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| Believe me, I’ve got a lot to say on the topic
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| If you’re a smoker and you know it clap your hands, now stop it!
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| You look pretty stupid with that thing in your mouth
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| Pretty insecure with that thing sticking out, little wrinkles on your brow
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| I don’t know how you’re gonna do it but you better do it
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| Your lungs or these corporations, which one you want ruined
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| I’m sorry, I’m startin' to preach just a little bit
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| Nothin' worse than a smoker who quit but you smell like shit
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| Go kiss someone else, you taste so gross dude
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| I smelled you before you even came close, eww
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| Gonna curse Benson Hedges, curse Phillip Morris
|
| Gonna curse you motherfuckers till I make it to my chorus
|
| It’s the quitting smoking song
|
| All the smokers cough along
|
| If I can do it, so can you
|
| Let’s chew some gum and say fuck you
|
| It’s the quitting smoking song
|
| All the smokers cough along
|
| If I can quit, you can quit
|
| Have fun and break some shit
|
| Hey can I have a cigarette now? |