| Bruce Campbell is the finest man to grace a silver screen
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| All the other actors just degrade his noble scenes
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| The Oscars should award him for his wondrous career
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| Hold a town parade for him with each movie premiere
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| Bruce Campbell! |
| Bruce Campbell!
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| We’re gonna be best friends!
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| Gonna come to your house and watch Hercules
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| From season one till the end
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| I’ll hand you everything I own
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| And you’ll sign it all for me!
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| Then we’ll start rehearsing for Cave Alien 3
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| Bruce Lorne Campbell should be offered every lead!
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| Imagine him as Spider-Man, a finer choice indeed
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| Casablanca could’ve been improved if Campbell would’ve said,
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| «Here's looking at you… you primitive screwhead!»
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| Bruce Campbell! |
| Bruce Campbell!
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| Dert dert da dert dert dert
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| Gonna come to your house
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| And put Xena and not sleep until it’s done
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| I got the whole boxset for Briscoe County, too
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| I love you and to prove it’s true
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| I’m gonna play a kazoo
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| Bruce Ash Campbell is a truly stellar man
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| He bravely fought the Deadites
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| But a chainsaw took his hand
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| Coincidentally, I have one I barely ever use
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| I’ll saw it off and ship it to the charming, handsome Bruce
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| Bruce Campbell! |
| Bruce Campbell!
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| I need the measurements for your chin!
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| Gonna make me a jawbone implant
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| And I’m gonna be your twin
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| Then I’ll get me a tattoo of your face
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| And put it right on my… face
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| Then we’ll fly into outer space and…
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| Hey Bruce, where are you going?
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| Bruce Campbell (gonna find you!)
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| You can’t hide from me!
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| I found your house on Google Maps
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| And just watched you go pee!
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| When I find you, I’m gonna clone you
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| Take your DNA against your will
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| I’ll make 8,000 Bruce Campbells
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| To build a Bruce Campbellville
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| Bruce-Campbell-ville!
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| Bruce! |