| I know what you’re thinking
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| You’re thinking, «This is a song»
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| Well I guess I’ll just have to show you
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| Exactly where you are WRONG!
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| Why aren’t you hearing the cheese?
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| Why aren’t you feeling the ham?
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| If you don’t listen you’ll miss it
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| You don’t understand
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| I will explain it all once
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| I can explain it all twice
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| To make it clear to your brain
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| Until you’ve taken a bite
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| It couldn’t be a dam 'cause it doesn’t have a beaver
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| It’s not the DMV 'cause it doesn’t make you wait
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| It couldn’t be a taco 'cause it isn’t very crunchy
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| It couldn’t be an Olsen 'cause it isn’t Mary-Kate
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| It can’t be Dirty Dancing 'cause it doesn’t make you vomit
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| It couldn’t be an iron 'cause it doesn’t burn your face
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| It couldn’t be Bruce Campbell 'cause it isn’t freakin' awesome
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| It couldn’t be a keyboard 'cause it doesn’t have a space… BAR!
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| (Be-cause)
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| This is not a song, it’s a SANDWICH!
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| What would make you think otherwise?
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| This is not a song, it’s a SANDWICH!
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| Now no more of your vile filthy lies
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| (This is a song) NO IT’S A SANDWICH!
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| (Uh… But, it’s a song) NO IT’S A SANDWICH!
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| So what are you thinking?
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| Still think this is a song?
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| Do you require more proof?
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| Do you enjoy being wrong?
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| Why aren’t you hearing the meat?
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| Why aren’t you feeling the bread?
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| If you don’t listen, you’ll miss it
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| You’re making me sad
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| I will explain it all once
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| I can explain it all twice
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| And then again and again
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| Until you’ve taken a bite!
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| It couldn’t be a chick 'cause it doesn’t want to marry
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| It can’t be Windows Vista 'cause it doesn’t suck enough
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| It couldn’t be a boob 'cause it isn’t very squishy
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| It couldn’t be a beer 'cause it isn’t good and stuff
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| It couldn’t be a tub 'cause it doesn’t have a ducky
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| It couldn’t be a stoner 'cause it doesn’t have a joint
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| It couldn’t be an egg 'cause there is no Easter Bunny
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| It couldn’t be a song 'cause it doesn’t have a point
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| (Be-cause!)
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| This is not a song, it’s a SANDWICH!
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| What would make you think otherwise?
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| This is not a song, it’s a SANDWICH!
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| It’s really just a hoagie in disguise
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| (I'm pretty sure this is a song) NO IT’S A SANDWICH!
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| (… Sooong!) SANDWICH!
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| (SONG!) SANDWICH!
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| (Jesus, dude, what is wrong with you?) NO IT’S A SANDWICH!
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| Lettuce, bacon, mayo, tomato, cheese, olives
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| Onions, frog, tuna, turkey, peppers, salami
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| Noodles, pizza, tires, CROWBARS!!!
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| You bought (or stole!)
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| This dumb CD
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| Now you are suffering
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| Driving home, working out
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| Or at your job
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| At your house, or wherever
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| On your iPod |