| Oh, no! |
| Babies everywhere
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| Everybody’s having babies!
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| Crying and pissing and burping and spittin' and fussin'
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| And shittin' while making you rue the day
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| Babies. |
| Too many babies
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| Listen up everyone, here’s the scoop
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| Babies like to turn your money into poop
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| Newborns all look like aliens
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| They spawn on this planet and abduct your best friend
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| Sleep deprived, want to die, as I rock him to sleep
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| Work all day, rinse, lather, then repeat
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| Sing a lullaby while ignoring the smell
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| Gotta keep the thing alive or you’ll end up in jail
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| Babies will whine and cry
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| All day and night
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| What I’m trying to say is
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| I don’t wanna have baby
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| That’s a «no,» not a «maybe»
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| Everybody says I’m crazy
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| Cuz I don’t wanna raise a baby
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| I may end up really lonely
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| But at least I’m not a daddy
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| I don’t wanna clean up vomit
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| Or wipe off a poopy heiny
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| Oh, YEAH! |
| I can get a vasectomy!
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| Denying parents grandbabies
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| Sisters and brothers and fathers and mothers
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| And aunties and uncles all push me to reproduce
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| Chew toys do not pacify
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| Listen up, everyone, here’s the deal
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| You’re not the one that’s gonna end up paying the bills
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| Parenthood’s a prison of barf and tears
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| A mandatory minimum of 18 years
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| Overpopulation is rising too
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| So let’s add another mouth to compete for food
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| Take a good look at me, tell me now
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| Do we really need another me running around?
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| Babies will break the bank
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| And crush your dreams
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| What I’m trying to say is
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| I don’t wanna have a baby
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| That’s a «no», not a «maybe»
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| Pay someone to sterilize me
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| That will ensure I have no baby
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| I think I’d rather have rabies
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| Than to rear a human baby
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| All the money I’d be saving
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| Could buy a robot or a puppy
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| So much poop
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| Too much pee
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| No free time
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| No more sleep
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| Kill me
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| (Baby Noises) |