| I’m 19 years old, I’m a young comedian
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| I hate that term, «young comedian», you know
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| I prefer «prodigy»
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| And people, they pigeonhole me as a comic
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| You know, which is so disingenuous 'cause I’m not a comic, I’m an artist
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| And I don’t do comedy shows, I do one man shows
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| And I’ve been doing them, uh
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| 1998 was actually my first one man show
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| It was a show about Jews in Nazi Germany called Under the Floor Boards
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| I’ll do a scene from that, uh, right now
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| No no no
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| Watch and then judge
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| This is a scene from Under the Floor Boards
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| «Hey, shh»
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| And then '99
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| '99, I did a show called The Catholic Orgasm, I’ll do a scene from that
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| (Moaning)
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| (Sobbing)
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| 2000, I did a piece called The Inappropriate Musician, I’ll do a scene from that
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| «Mike
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| Mike, back off the ledge, Mike, th-
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| Mike, think about your kids, do you want them to grow up without a father,
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| is that what you want, Mike?! | 
| Mi-
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| Please listen to me, I’m your friend
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| No, Mike, don’t jump!
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| No, Mike, no!
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| (Slide whistle down)
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| (Slide whistle up)
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| «He's saved»
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| 2001, I did John Steinbeck’s The Grapes of Wrath
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| Except I adapted it into a story about an intergalactic sexual predator called
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| The Rapes of Grath
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| 2002, I did a piece, if you’re familiar with The Elephant Man
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| I did a piece based off that called Bulldog Man (Voice cracks when he says «man»
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| Oh, also known as Bulldog Man (Says «man"properly) for those who hit puberty
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| And I uh
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| I’ll do a monologue from that right now
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| (Silence)
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| (Laughter)
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| For those listening on the CD, I kind of look like a bulldog
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| 2003, 4? | 
| 3. Doesn’t matter, I’m lying
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| 2004, I did a piece called Sméagol, from Lord of the Rings, Having Sex with a
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| Black Chick, I’ll do that
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| (Moaning as Sméagol)
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| «Precious»
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| I actually got a Danza nomination for that, it was
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| Right after the Tony’s
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| 2000, uh, 5
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| 2005, if I could get a blackout for this, I did a piece called Charlie Brown
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| Getting Molested, so if we could blackout right now
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| «Hello?
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| Is anybody here?»
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| (Unintelligible trombone noises a la Peanuts cartoon)
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| «What the fuck are you doing?! | 
| Let go of me!»
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| (Unintelligible trombone noises)
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| «Good grief»
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| So, 2000, uh, bring the lights up
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| 2007, I did a piece called The Juggler’s Wife, I’ll do a scene from that
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| «Please
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| Stop JUGGLING!»
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| 2008, I did a
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| Bit of a controversial piece because I played a slave in the 1780's,
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| but I didn’t wear make-up
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| 'Cause I feel as, you know, an artist I’m qualified to tell any story, and uh
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| It was a piece called Whiplashes and this was the climactic scene
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| It is hard, raw art, so if you’re adverse to that, you might want to look away
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| But this is, um, the climactic scene from Whiplashes and I hope you enjoy it
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| «You'll have to answer to God for this»
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| (Whip crack)
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| «Ow
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| Ow
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| Ow
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| Ow
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| Ow
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| Ow
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| Ow
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| Ow
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| …You're a dick»
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| And then, uh, 2000-
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| …9, which is the last year before the piece I’m doing currently
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| I did a piece called, it’s a very emotional piece, it means a lot to me so
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| forgive me if I break down
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| But this is a, uh, a scene from it and the piece was called A Boy and His Dog
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| «Get out of here, alright?
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| Go, I can’t afford to keep you anymore, I just
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| I can’t, it’s too
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| Please don’t make this harder than it has to be, I
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| I hate you, is that what you need to hear from me?
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| Alright, I hate you
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| I hate you!
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| It’s not just me
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| My dog hates Mexicans too» |