| (My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish
 | 
| Uh, she used to like to dress up as herself and then act like a fucking bitch
 | 
| all the time)
 | 
| My show is a little bit silly, and a
 | 
| Little bit pretentious, so like
 | 
| Shakespeare’s willy or
 | 
| Noam Chomsky wearing a strap-on
 | 
| It’s also a little bit gay, and a
 | 
| Little bit offensive, like
 | 
| Thanksgiving Day or
 | 
| Noam Chomsky wearing a strap-on
 | 
| So put your cellphones to vibrate
 | 
| And put your vibrators to cellphone mode
 | 
| Welcome to the show, it goes a little bit like this
 | 
| Joke… exactly
 | 
| Welcome to my flow, it flows a little bit like this
 | 
| With a rap and a diss then a
 | 
| Swift rap in the wrist, a rap in a kiss
 | 
| Like Hershey’s wrappin' a Kiss, shit
 | 
| I got a show that’ll test you kids
 | 
| And it asks one question and the question is
 | 
| What’s funny?
 | 
| What’s funny, what’s funny, what’s funny?
 | 
| What’s funny, what’s funny, what’s funny?
 | 
| Funny, fu-funny
 | 
| What’s funny?
 | 
| What’s funny, what’s funny, what’s funny?
 | 
| What’s funny, what’s funny, what’s funny?
 | 
| Funny
 | 
| Oh yeah
 | 
| Humor is often linked to shared experience
 | 
| Like a guy gets up and says, «Have you noticed that public restrooms have
 | 
| really inefficient hand dryers? | 
| ««Oh my God, yes I have
 | 
| Ha ha ha ha, really good point
 | 
| They should fix that
 | 
| It’s good to know that somebody finally gets me
 | 
| 'Cause my wife divorced me
 | 
| Which has consciously forced me to lose all sense of self
 | 
| So it’s nice to think about hand dryers
 | 
| And not that cheating whore»
 | 
| Because stand-up comedy is actually pretty easy
 | 
| If you’re an Asian comic, just get up and say, «My mother’s got the weirdest
 | 
| fucking accent»
 | 
| Then just do a Chinese accent
 | 
| 'Cause everybody laughs at the Chinese accent
 | 
| Because they privately thought that your people were laughable and now you’ve
 | 
| given them the chance to express that in public
 | 
| Ah yeah, if you’re a musical comic
 | 
| Just give them a little weird voice inflection
 | 
| Then take a Viagra
 | 
| And slap them with a rock-hard misdirection
 | 
| What’s funny?
 | 
| What’s funny, what’s funny, what’s funny?
 | 
| What’s funny, what’s funny, what’s funny?
 | 
| Funny, fu-funny
 | 
| … Tourettes!
 | 
| What’s funny?
 | 
| What’s funny, what’s funny, what’s funny?
 | 
| What’s funny, what’s funny, what’s funny?
 | 
| Funny
 | 
| Oh, and the audience says
 | 
| When I was a baby, maybe I laughed at people jiggling keys
 | 
| Now I’m older and bolder and just get mad because I notice that the keys are to
 | 
| a Hummer
 | 
| Fuck my life, I don’t fuck my wife
 | 
| So fuck my wife, and fuck my life
 | 
| And my son is gay, but not sitcom gay
 | 
| Daughter’s a whore, like another girl that used to be her mother
 | 
| But the marriage made her Miss Mary Americana
 | 
| I want a teen, but that’s screaming prima donna
 | 
| But the radical feminists made my wife a man
 | 
| Oh, and if I die happy
 | 
| The situation
 | 
| Will be auto-erotic
 | 
| Asphyxiation
 | 
| I hate my life and it hates me back
 | 
| And my friend is black
 | 
| But I don’t know what to call him
 | 
| So I just call him
 | 
| … What up, Jamal?
 | 
| Even though his name is Steve
 | 
| I hate my job, I hate my life
 | 
| I hate my kids, I hate my wife
 | 
| Jews would know I do it
 | 
| Judas beat me to it
 | 
| I’m slowly slipping into a solipsistic coma
 | 
| And I masturbate because I’m the only one whose standards are low enough to
 | 
| fuck me!
 | 
| What’s funny?
 | 
| What’s funny, what’s funny, what’s funny?
 | 
| What’s funny, what’s funny, what’s funny?
 | 
| Funny, fu-funny
 | 
| (Pop) It’s a boy
 | 
| What’s funny?
 | 
| What’s funny, what’s funny, what’s funny?
 | 
| What’s funny, what’s funny, what’s funny?
 | 
| Funny, yeah
 | 
| Hopefully this
 | 
| (Fart) |