| Like any morning of my junior year I stumble in the classroom late but this day
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| I see
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| Faces, I feel an air like a funeral, like a wake, as I sit down
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| My teacher speaking, somewhat somberly, but still confident and calm
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| Part eulogy, her speech, and part poem, part celebration song
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| Her warmth and smile, she passes photocopies out to us of entries from a journal
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| Kept so long ago. |
| She starts to read and suddenly it’s 1980
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| March 5-The cancer is furious but our son is resilient
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| We have all the faith we’ll get through this no matter what the end
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| Treatments are violent but he keeps on smiling
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| It’s amazing finding joy in the little things
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| April 12-Andrew's appetites improved and we thank God everyday
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| But still it’s hard sometimes to see him in that scarecrow frame
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| July 9-There's a suffering when I look in his eyes. |
| He’s been through so much
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| We’ve all been through so much but what incredible resolve our little boy shows
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| Only 7, standing face to face with death
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| He said it’s easy to find people who have suffered worse than him
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| «Like Jesus, suffered worse than anyone,» he told me last night,
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| «when God abandoned him.»
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| September 20-We've been playing in the yard lately and spirits are high
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| Although his blood counts aren’t
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| October 14-He feels tired all the time
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| November 30-At the hospital again. |
| It feels like home when we’re here
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| December 8-He's getting worse
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| January 19-We buried our son today, our youngest child
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| And while his death was ugly we must not let it scare us from God
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| Abundant grace has restored him. |
| A brand new body
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| And set him free from the torture, finally rid of the cancer
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| Before the moment he left he briefly wrested from death, suddenly opened his
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| eyes, said
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| «I see everything, I see everything.»
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| And I will never forget it, the peace and the comfort you displayed through a
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| pain
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| That I can only imagine. |
| The loss of a child to the torture of cancer. |
| Help me
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| Because I can only imagine how you recovered
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| Kept your faith and held the brightness of life inside the smile of a child you
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| had to bury
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| And I will never forget him or your steadfast faith
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| No, I will never forget you. |
| Now six or seven years later, I’m devoid of all
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| faith
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| I am empty of comfort and I am weary of waiting
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| Though I’ve felt nowhere what you have, I see nothing at all
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| Though I’ve felt nowhere what he did, my eyes are closed |