| I was coming home pretty late one night,
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| Singing a song and about half-tight,
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| I was young and my friend and I had me a pretty good date.
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| I was fiddling around with the front door key,
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| When a weird looking fellow stepped up to me
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| And said: «Tell me buddy, if this ain’t the Watergate.»
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| I said it was, and with a grin on his face,
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| He said, «I always wanted to see this place.
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| I hear it’s just the nicest place in town.
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| And me and my friends are dying to see
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| If it’s all that it’s cracked up to be.»
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| So I said, «Well, come on in, and I’ll show you around.»
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| They seemed to love my guided tour
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| 'Til we stopped outside of a certain door
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| And one of my new-found friends said, «Lookie here.»
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| «It's the Democratic office, if I ain’t wrong,
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| To help to keep our country strong.»
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| And he blinked his eye to hold back a heartfelt tear.
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| He looked kinda shy and shuffled his feet
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| And said no tour would be complete
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| If we didn’t go in and have a look around.
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| I don’t know how but the door swung wide
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| And we were all sneaking inside,
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| Laughing and giggling and trying not to make a sound.
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| We all split up and I was on my own.
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| A couple of the boys were playing round with the phones
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| And I saw somebody; |
| he was fiddling at a big shot’s desk.
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| They were opening drawers, going through files,
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| Made me happy just to see their smiles
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| 'Til somebody new said, «Hold it, you’re under arrest.»
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| It took all night to make my bail
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| And as I left the D.C. jail
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| A man stepped out of a long black limousine.
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| He said, «Get in son, and if you do,
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| We’re gonna take good care of you,»
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| And he flashed the biggest roll of bills I ever seen.
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| He said, «Get in son, and if you do,
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| We’re gonna take good care of you.
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| Hey, we’re gonna stick with you through thick and thin.»
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| He drove through traffic like a scalded bird,
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| Throwing money out the window to the common herd.
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| We pulled up to the White House door and walked right in.
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| Well gosh, I couldn’t believe my luck,
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| This fellow says I can call him Chuck.
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| He says that I am to stick with him wherever he went.
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| I took off my hat to make a bow
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| And he said there wasn’t any time for that now
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| And he opened the door and there stood the President.
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| I started shaking around the knees
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| But he threw me a football to put me at ease.
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| I threw it back and he threw it back again.
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| A tape recorder was playing real loud
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| The sound of a cheering football crowd
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| 'Til he turned it off, took off his helmet and said amen.
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| He smiled at me and he said
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| «Bob just told me you’re doing a real fine job
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| And I wanna put an end to all your fears.
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| You’ve got some friends and that’s worth knowing,
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| When the going gets tough the tough get going,
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| And we’ll stick with you if they put you away for years.»
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| I said it made me feel so proud,
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| Just to hang around with this great crowd,
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| With John and Bob and Mitch and all the rest.
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| And even though no jail was fun,
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| I knew that justice would be done.
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| And they laughed so hard the tears rolled down their chest.
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| Oh, ain’t it great what friends can do,
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| They say I’ll be out in a year or two
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| And they’ll get me a real nice job that pays real well.
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| Yeah, they taught some useful things to me
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| And now that I’m going on TV,
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| They taught me how to smile and lie like hell. |