| But since the last time, I might have seen some of you folks I have had my 70th birthday. |
| So, I now… Thank you very much. |
| Thank you. |
| Thank you. |
| Yeah, I’m now 70 years old, and I like 70. Not as much as I liked 69. Well, 69 was always my favorite number. |
| Now, I figure I’m 69 with one finger up my ass. |
| But now that I’m an old fuck, and that’s what I consider myself to be, an old fuck. |
| Old fuck is a very special term. |
| It’s not like old man. |
| Old man is different. |
| Old man isn’t really a time in your life or a period of years. |
| It’s an attitude. |
| Old man is a point of view. |
| It’s a way of looking at things. |
| Some guys are old men when they’re in their 20’s. |
| You’ve met guys like that. |
| They’re just wired like old men. |
| Not me. |
| Not an old man and not an old fart because an old fart is kind of (sound). |
| What I am is an old fuck. |
| It’s kind of like a fat fuck, you know what I mean? |
| Fat fuck, tall fuck, skinny fuck, short fuck, old fuck. |
| Who’s the old fuck? |
| That’s Georgie. |
| Georgie’s the old fuck. |
| In this respect, fuck is actually a synonym for the word fellow. |
| But now that I’m an old fuck, I’m beginning to notice there’s some advantages to putting on a few extra years. |
| The first one is you never have to carry anything heavy ever again. |
| Everybody wants to help an old fuck. |
| If you’ve got a big suitcase or something like that, you know, you just kind of go like this a little bit. |
| You say, “Yeah, could you help me with this?” |
| Say, “Yeah. |
| Hey, how far you going?” |
| “Indianapolis.” |
| He wants to help? |
| Fuck him. |
| Put him to work. |
| Take advantage of people. |
| Another nice thing about getting old is you can leave any social event early just by saying you’re tired. |
| Works great with family members. |
| Just turn to the person next to you and say, “Geez, I’m getting tired, you know.” |
| Oh, are you tired? |
| Come on. |
| Grandpa’s tired. |
| Grandpa’s going to bed. |
| Someone else says, “But it’s 7:30 in the morning.” |
| There’s always one asshole in the family. |
| But the best thing about getting old is you’re not responsible for remembering things anymore, even important things. |
| “But it was your daughter’s funeral.” |
| I forgot. |
| You can even make believe you have Alzheimer’s disease. |
| Ah, it’s a lot of fun. |
| You look around the dining room table and you say, “Who are you people, and where is my horse?” |
| Then you stare at your eldest son and say, “Agnes, I haven’t seen you since first communion.” |
| Fucks them up. |
| Fucks them up. |
| They don’t know how to handle it. |
| It takes them a week to get over that shit. |
| And they start listening to you a lot more carefully from then on. |
| So don’t be afraid to get old. |
| It’s a great time of life. |
| You get to take advantage of people, and you’re not responsible for anything. |
| You can even shit in your pants. |
| They expect it. |
| I haven’t tried that yet, but I don’t rule it out. |
| I’m keeping my options open. |
| Everything is on the table. |
| Perhaps that’s not the figure of speech I wanted right there. |