| I like how, when you turn the intercom up
|
| Like all that little background noise
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| When the beat comes in
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| That’s real smooth man
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| Fuck studios, just happen to be here
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| Aight, whatever
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| Yo
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| He woke up in a daze, back achin'
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| Breath smellin' like liquor, dick smellin' like sex
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| Head throbbin' like the bass from the club last night
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| No idea how he left, needless to say, perplexed
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| As he looked around the room that he never been in
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| Candles all around the bed, sheets quite feminine
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| Bucked naked with his kicks on
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| Breakaway jeans, drawers and sweater were all on the bedroom floor
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| He heard singin' from the shower from the bathroom door
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| Sounded like Melba Moore but he couldn’t be sure
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| She had a sexy ass voice but she was so off-key
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| Couldn’t 'member how she looked, couldn’t wait to see
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| Hopin' that it was the girl, third floor of the club
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| The one that let him grab her ass when they twisted the dub
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| Or perhaps it was the dime from the guest list line
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| Either one and several others would’ve suited him fine
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| From the bed to the bathroom, a voice said «come in»
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| Gradually now, he starts to remember
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| Peeped through the shower curtain, like bachelor number three
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| Pleasantly surprised to see that it was the bartender
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| And tender was the operative word
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| She had a body like a cello with legs, I mean, the ass was absurd
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| Long neck, smooth skin, pretty face, cookie nipples
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| Eyes as the hips, full lips between dimples
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| She said «how did you sleep?»
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| He said he didn’t know
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| She asked «was it good for you too?»
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| «I think so
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| But I really can’t remember what went down last night»
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| She told him «take off your shoes, we can replay the highlights»
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| Stepped out the shower in a daze, legs achin'
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| Breath short from the ep, dick wrapped in a hat
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| Wide open cuz it was the last from a twelve-pack
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| Spit four in the shower till his tire went flat
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| She thought he was all that
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| She said «I don’t have to work today
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| Take a little nap so we can do it again»
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| No sooner than she said it, keys jingled, door slammed
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| He said «please baby, please don’t let it be your boyfriend
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| For the love of basketball, Mademoiselle
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| Look, I ain’t Biggie Smalls, I don’t even want a story to tell
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| I’m a lover, not a fighter, alright»
|
| But then a girl walked in
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| Saw him naked and said «What the hell?»
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| Time stood still as he thought to himself
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| «This reminds me of a beer commercial back in the day»
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| She’s too young to be her mother, so he asked
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| «How you doin'? |
| Would you care to join in?»
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| She said, «nigga is you crazy?
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| See this ring on my finger? |
| That’s my wife you was fuckin'
|
| My name ain’t Ronald Isley, don’t try to play me out
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| She reached in her purse for the little pearl handle
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| He splashed her in the face with the wax from the candle
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| The tender ran back into the bathroom, screamin'
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| Slipped on the condom wrapper, broke her pretty little neck
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| The burnt-face wife pulled a gun on the dude
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| Famous last words: «I ain’t mean you no disrespect!»
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| Wow! |
| That was crazy
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| Yo J, that was cool and all (uh huh)
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| But what’s up with the violent ending, man?
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| Is it possible for it to end a little more pleasant?
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| What if the story woulda ended like this?
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| I’mma kick it again but only with a slight twist
|
| It goes one for the griot
|
| Two for da gods
|
| Three to flip the script, cuz it ain’t that hard
|
| Check it out
|
| Time stood still as he thought to himself
|
| «This reminds me of a beer commercial back in the day»
|
| She’s too young to be her mother
|
| «Would you care to join in?»
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| She was buck naked under her coat
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| He was amazed at the second wind kickin' in thinkin' 'bout the fact
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| That he almost didn’t go to the club. |
| Woulda been wack
|
| If he missed out on the greatest love of his life
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| Imagine if he stayed home with his wife
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| Cuz girl two, yo, her body made the 'tender look like a fender bender
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| The three of them together turned the bed to a blender
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| He left like five hours later with a permanent cheese grill
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| And feels he will forever remember
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| C’mon J (what?!)
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| There’s no way my man got laid quite like that
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| It just don’t happen (I mean, it could happen)
|
| It’s like a porno or somethin'
|
| And what about his wife?
|
| She didn’t even say nothin'?
|
| She didn’t page him?
|
| Time stood still as he thought to himself
|
| «This reminds me of a beer commercial back in the day»
|
| She’s too young to be her mother, so he asked, «How you doin'?»
|
| She said «Eww! |
| It smells like somebody been screwin'!
|
| I hope it wasn’t y’all» Then she started laughin'
|
| He said «What's so funny?» |
| She said «You don’t know the half»
|
| She was starin' at the joint with a fucked-up smile
|
| She said «I can come back if you gon' be here for awhile
|
| But between me and you, and my roommate too
|
| What I’m 'bout to say might just be a little SNAFU
|
| In your plans. |
| Put it like this, she used to be a dude!»
|
| (Yeah, how’s that for a plot twist)
|
| He asked the 'tender was it true
|
| She said «Shit, I told you last night, my man, I thought you knew»
|
| Ewww, shit! |
| (Hahaha)
|
| For real? |
| (Yeah, man)
|
| Uh uh, man you’re sick (Hahaha)
|
| For real? |
| You got dat homie, I’m out |