| You know, I don’t regret one minute that I spent with my kids
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| I guess it was one of the best things that I ever did
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| And I don’t begrudge a day I spent trying to meet their needs
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| Unless it was that year I volunteered to coach the Little League
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| I remember batting practice, I put a baseball on a string
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| And I told this kid, «When I nod my head, haul off and hit that thing»
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| Gotta give him credit, he did exactly what I said
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| 'Cause the second that I nodded, he hit me in the head
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| Oh, pitch and catch and hit and run, now how hard can it be?
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| But if you think it’s just a game, you’re wrong as you can be
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| I never had a harder job, more stress and more fatigue
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| Than the year I volunteered to coach the Little League
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| Well, we lost the season opener and then games two and three
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| Nobody could seem to hit the ball and it was sitting on a tee
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| Then my kid finally hit a little dribbler in the dirt
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| And you know, I think he could have beat it out, if he’d only run towards first
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| Then I told my wife, «I'm quittin', 'cause every game’s the same
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| They whine and cry and fuss and fight and argue and complain»
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| And she said, «Well, well, why don’t you just call their parents?
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| Maybe they can help you out»
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| I said, «Honey, you don’t seem to understand, it’s the parents I’m talking
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| about»
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| Oh, pitch and catch and hit and run, now how hard can it be?
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| Yeah, but if you think it’s just a game, you’re wrong as you can be
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| I never had a harder job, more stress and more fatigue
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| Than the year I volunteered to coach the Little League
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| And then we finally won a game, the other team didn’t show up
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| Seems the coach had a nervous breakdown trying to figure out his lineup
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| He had a dozen kids and eighteen parents, but there was only one hitch
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| Fifteen parents wanted to coach and eleven kids wanted to pitch
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| And then the last game of the season was the wildest one by far
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| Umpire ran screaming from the field and locked himself in the car
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| And as the parents beat and rocked the car, trying to make it tip
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| I’m back on the field, giving the kids a lecture on good sportsmanship
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| Oh, pitch and catch and hit and run, now how hard can it be?
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| Yeah, but if you think it’s just a game, you’re wrong as you can be
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| I never had a harder job, more stress and more fatigue
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| Than the year I volunteered to coach the Little League
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| Oh, why’d I ever volunteer to coach the Little League?
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| Yeah, then there was that game we tied, nothing to nothing
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| Brickbat came sailing out of the stands, laid the umpire out cold
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| One of the little mothers threw it
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| Said the umpire was a four-eyed, lying, cheating, no-good bozo
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| She ought to know, she’s been married to him for fourteen years
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| You know, this is a dangerous job
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| I think I’m gonna get a job on a SWAT team or something
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| Whoo, you could get hurt out here |